Fears

When I was a child I was scared of thunderstorms. So was my dog. We used to huddle up in the hallway of my parent's house and wait out until the worst of the lightning and thunder was gone. As a teenager I worked at a girl's camp in the middle of the woods. Needless to say there were plenty of thunderstorms that raged through those mountains and I got really good at putting on a brave face for the girls. So everyone assumes I am no longer afraid of thunderstorms, that instead I just don't like them. Well I am here to confirm that my heart skips a beat every time I see a flash of lightning and the sound of rolling thunder causes my stomach to knot. Since we moved out into the woods ourselves and into a house that is 150 years old I have tried to pacify my fears by assuring myself that the present storm cannot possibly be the worst storm this house has ever seen so of course it will still be standing after the storm is over.

I know some of you think I am crazy. My own husband loves storms and would love nothing more than to open all the blinds and watch the lightning and pouring rain in all it's glory (traitor!) while I try to remain calm curled up into a ball. This is one of those childhood fears that is supposed to go away, but for me it never did. I think because the second biggest thing I am afraid of it is fire. Why? because fire can kill people. I know, so can cars, but when you have a fear you tend to think irrationally. This is why I do not enjoy fireworks on the Fourth of July, or holding a burning firecracker or match in my hand. So back to the whole storm thing, lightning causes fire thus it is dangerous and not safe to be around (in my head). I understand that thunder cannot hurt you but being close enough to hear such noise must mean lightning (thus fire) is somewhere in the vicinity.

By now you are probably wondering what brought about this long post about my fear of thunderstorms. Well last Friday, July 9th, lightning struck right outside our home. Trey and I were home alone and Trey was eating a snack in the kitchen when the storm began. My brother called on the phone and I tried to have a decent conversation before saying I had to go because the wind was picking up and lightning can travel into things that are electrical, thus urging me to get off the phone way faster than I normally would have. I picked Trey up from his highchair while he clutched his sippy cup of milk. I was trying really hard not to project my fear of storms onto him, but it was getting really close and the wind was howling and the rain was pelting on the tin roof and I really did not know the best place to take the two of us to play and distract ourselves till the storm was over because there are windows in every room. So I stood holding Trey in the living room and a huge bolt of lightning (the closest in my life!) struck somewhere right outside of the window of the living room and the thunder came simultaneously and shook the whole house. I tightened my grip on my son and took him to the closet under the stairwell to wait until the storm was over. This may have been a bit over the top but I didn't know what to do. I was scared out of my mind that lightning was going to hit the house or a tornado was going to blow through the area (thus the hiding in the closet). Trey was very good this whole time. He let me hold him (I tried to stop shaking so he wouldn't sense my fear) and just drank his milk. If you laugh at the mental image of me holding Trey while he looks at my like I am crazy for standing in the closet and he is drinking his milk it is ok, I understand. Looking back it would have been funny to be a fly on the wall.

About ten minutes later the storm finally past and we came out of our hiding spot while I surveyed the situation. I tried to call Jay but the phones didn't work. I tried to turn on the tv to check the weather but the satellite was out. Why did the satellite dish and phones stop working? Because of the lightning strike (you know lightning, the thing I am afraid of). The lightning hit the satellite dish and came into the house through an electrical outlet and scorched the outlet, the phone cables, and the ac unit connected to said electrical outlet. That is why I have not been able to post for over a week on the blog or watched television at my house. Although I will say my blackberry saved me from going through complete facebook and email withdrawal.

Anyways, my fear of thunderstorms has been confirmed and I realized now it is not completely irrational (hello- lightning came into my house!). However this past morning we had a storm roll through and I kept my cool. I am not ridiculously afraid, just when they are a little too close for comfort.